Party invite etiquette. College grad party at a restaurant-invitation states-"bring $ for dinner".?

We were invited to a college graduation party. The party will be held at a restaurant and the inivite states "please bring money for dinner". Are we to also bring a gift to this party? I know it's expected, but I really think a "congratulations" card would be sufficient. If we should bring a gift, how much do you spend on a gift for someone when you're paying to attend their party? I'd normally spend $50 or $60 - but we're going to spend at least that much just to attend. The person is a relative, but not someone we're close to. We see them maybe 2 - 3 times a year at family functions.

Party invite etiquette. College grad party at a restaurant-invitation states-"bring $ for dinner".?
Eeek, that was quite rude of the host to expect the party-goers to pay for their dinner. If money was a concern, they should have planned a less-expensive party that they could have funded themselves.





But regardless of their error, you should not be rude in return. It isn't "expected" that you bring a gift, according to traditional ettiquette (no gift should ever be "expected").





However, the grad really is expecting a gift, even if he/she shouldn't. And the grad probably isn't the host of the party, so the error in ettiquette isn't his/her fault anyway. So basically, bring a gift.





But do take the cost of the dinner into consideration. Give a card with $20 or $25 in it.
Reply:It seems sort of tacky that you are expected to pay for your meal when you have been invited so I would say, just get them a card, with some cash in it maybe $20 or a gift card.
Reply:First of all....it was in very bad taste to ask invitees to pay for their own dinner. Also...since it is a graduation party it is IMPLIED that you need to get a gift as well.





I would skip this soiree altogether. Send the graduate $20 in the mail....and go eat somewhere YOU want to eat and pay for the night of that party. I imagine they are going to split the tab evenly too....so if you go you would probably have to pay your shair of Uncle Vern's Surf and Turf!!! Bad scene....bad taste.....very bad etiquette!!
Reply:Drop in for a couple of minutes then make your excuses saying that you have another engagement, take your money and go to a restaurant you like.
Reply:Wow... how incredibly rude!


If you accept this suggestion that you take yourself out to dinner at a restaurant you did not choose, bring a card and nothing more.


This is not an "invitation" because there is no "host" and the attendees will not be "guests"
Reply:Since you are expected to pay your own way then just give them $20 in a card or to avoid the whole thing don't go and just send a congrats card.
Reply:15 or 25 dollars
Reply:If you would normally spend $50 I would spend about $25 since you have to pay for your own meals
Reply:Boy..that invitation is tacky. The person who sent it has no manners at all. He should have called everyone and asked everyone to pitch in a certain amount if anything. No invitation to a party should ever contain "please bring money for dinner". It's not a party..it just people meeting for dinner.
Reply:Well considering how rarely you see them I wouldn't attend. When it comes up say well I thought it was rude to ask me to pay for my meal. Perhaps send like a $20-$30 gift. Something smaller then you would have otherwise given. If asked about it say well if I have to pay to attend then I feel I shouldn't send as good of a gift in my absence. Now if you couldn't attend for a real reason, and didn't have to pay, then you send something a little better in my opinion. That is how you determine the amount you give for not attending because that invite.
Reply:Tacky, tacky, tacky! Its one or the other......eat or gift, definitely not both! If you choose to go and I would assume eat, then a card congratulating them on their college graduation. If you choose not to go, then a gift would be in order, albeit, a small one, as you would not be participating in the festivities.





Got to ask......who is 'throwing' this party?
Reply:First of all, I think it would have been more appropriate to word the invite "Dutch Treat" rather than "bring $". If I were you and really wanted to go, I would just give a card with $20 in it.
Reply:i would skip the party and send a $50-60 gift (as you normally would).......if i'm going to go out and spend fifty bucks on dinner, then i would want to go have a nice quiet meal with my husband...


i think it's inappropriate to host a "party" and then expect everyone you invite to pay for the party......


so either attend the party and bring a card (no gift) ....or


skip the "party" and send a gift
Reply:Wow, that's rock and a hard place. When I graduated from college, I, too, had a party in a restaurant. However, the only invitees were those whom I could afford to pay for! Go, pay and enjoy yourself and the chance to see relatives. As for the gift, I would definitely set by budget back a bit.